Internet, gamers, trolls, whoever reads this. WHAT. THE. FUCK. The guys who designed this game must also be holding the head honcho of the ESRB's children hostage. Why? Because this game managed to get an "M" rating instead of a richly deserved "AO". Look, guys, I know I said Bayonetta is pretty much soft core porn, righ? DANTE'S INFERNO IS MOTHERFUCKING PORN I AM NOT KIDDING. And this was just the demo! TITS! EXPOSED TITS! A WOMAN PRETTY MUCH BEING FUCKED BY A SPIRIT RIGHT ON SCREEN!

The gameplay is fine, the enemy designs are pretty cool, and the story seems okay enough. A bit on the God of War knockoff side, but whatevs. The two games have a lot in common, both dealing with mythology/religion and all. I dare say I even like the game. But to get an M rating is completely offensive to my sensibilities. If you think I'm exaggerating, download the demo for yourself. Already done that? Still not convinced it's that bad? Read the ESRB's watered-down description of the shit in this game, keeping what you saw in the demo in mind. The shit is going to be graphic.

What pisses me off so much about it is that my rage toward the people who shrug off belligerent fan service was pretty much justified yesterday at the GameStop. I was talking to some fuckhead behind the counter about the above and he said, "That's not so bad." Then I mentioned the fact that there's cock in the game (Which is cool. At least it's not all demon vaginas and titties) and THEN the fucker gets up in arms. Really? REALLY?! I'm going to fucking develop a videogame called Dr MacMeaty's Wild Banana Hammock Moustache Ride and see how many dudes complain about THAT fan service in a game. If you thought Cho Aniki was a sausage party? Brace yourself, bitches.

Fucking hypocrites. What's more is that I still feel like I'm viewed as the crazy asshole here because I seem to be the only dude on Earth anymore who has enough god damned sense to see how dumb other dudes are. THIS is exactly the kind of shit that makes all gamers (male gamers, specifically) look like desperate nerds who need virtual tits because we can't get any in real life. Guess what? I just want to fucking play videogames.

I understand that SOME of the game is going to have grown-up moments. It's about Hell. I get that. I don't even have a problem with the content in the game. Just give it the fucking AO rating. I'll tell you what, internet. If any of you played the demo and read the ESRB description and can give a solid defense as to why this game DOESN'T deserve AO? I'll take down this post, and never post another videogame related opinion ever again.

Keep in mind this is a game I actually plan on purchasing because I still think it's an okay game. This isn't because I hate it, or want it to get a bad rating so no one will play it. It seriously deserves an AO rating for its content.

Having never played the first game, I dove into the sequel with no expectations or prejudices. Having played through a decent portion of this game, however, it makes me never want to play the first one. Not only that, I want to corral every person who thinks these games are great, put them in a small room with no windows or light, and have at them with a rusty blade. NOW THAT'S ASSASSINATION!

Maybe I'm wrong for thinking games coming out on incredible consoles like PS3 and XBox360 should not only be good, but blow your fucking minds with how great they are. Maybe I'm crazy for thinking that things like camera glitches, unintuitive gameplay, and user UN-friendly HUDs and context sensitive action cues should be things of yesteryear. Maybe I'm just a stuck up gaming snob who needs to shut his trap. But if you read my game reviews and agree with the things I say most of the time, then that's enough for me to keep forcing my opinion down the internet's collective throat.

This game truly had the potential to be great:

-The second game in the series, which means they had a chance to iron out gameplay issues, and expand on what seems like an intersting story.

-It borrows from real historic events and facts to make for a semi-believable plot.

-You kill people.

All I found from this game is frustration and disappointment. You spend a lot of your time following people around while conversing with them until they send you on some stupid errand. Guys, you have to go beat up your sister's boyfriend for cheating on her. What. The. Fuck. You get tutorials that teach you how to do things...an hour into the game and after you've figured out how to do these things on your own. After a tutorial on how to pick pocket people (I had already gotten the trophy for stealing over 1,000 Florins before the tutorial), I actually uttered the phrase, "What's next? A combat tutorial?" About a half hour after a I said that, I was taken through a combat tutorial. I had already fought at least fifty enemies at that point.

"But hey! You can free run!"

Don't get me fucking started. The free running, once you get used to it, is mediocre at best. You have to hold in two buttons to initiate a free running sequence, and you'd better know what the fuck you're doing and exactly where you're going, or you'll mess up and leap off of a building. The camera doesn't help matters. You either have a camera that seizes madly while it tries to follow you, or you have a fixed camera that seriously fucks you in some places.

Did I mention that you have to pretty much free run to get through all of the obstacles? Get ready to try, try again! Fun, right? No. We live in the motherfucking 2000's, and I'm tired of lazy system designs that force you to accept a flawed system in order to play a game. If t's that complicated, design something less complicated. If not, then spend time working on the system until it is nearly flawless. NEARLY flawless, not halfway there. This wouldn't such an outrageous thing if there weren't chase missions. That's right. You have to chase fuckers down. Hey, did you know that EVERYONE in 1400 era Italy was a god damned free runner?! NO? Well according to this game they are. Everyone you chase is a fucking master of this shit, and I hope you enjoy chasing people a lot.

You end up in a lot of places where you have to be stealthy. In the middle of the day. When you're the only ass dressed in a white fucking hood carrying blades. Right. Fine. Whatever. You can blend into crowds, which works pretty well. What doesn't work so well is when you're in an area full of soldiers, and there are no real places to hide or blend. You can hide behind a wall, sure. Actually, that's a lie. These fuckers have eyes like hawks, in addition to being masters of free running. I wish I had more Italian blood in me, folks. I'd be a fucking BADASS with my X-Ray vision and acrobatic abilities. Want to take a rooftop so you can get the jump on someone on the ground? Too bad.

If you're spotted, you can attempt combat. By attempt combat I mean flail the weapon of your choice with the practiced ease of a club-footed 4 year-old with flippers for fingers. You're able to counter hits by hitting two buttons. Sometimes this works, and sometimes you simply deflect the hit, and other times you just get hit in the face. Itdepends not on timing or skill, but on how the game is feeling at the time. You'll be getting mobbed a lot, and have to protect people. People who have no sense of self-preservation, because they will not flee from their attackers. But they'll flee from your protection, forcing you to try and slog through a mass of people clumsily.

But I have to say that the most useless feature I've found so far is Eagle Vision. You remember Arkham Asylum? Remember Detective Vision, and how badass that shit was? Hell, I had Detective Vision on for most of the game because it was so useful. Well, Eagle Vision is a lot like the opposite of that. Everything goes dark as hell and your enemies are red. But you can't see thorough anything and your HUD disappears. Not that the HUD is that useful to begin with, but at least it has a fucking map.

There are escort missions out the ass, as well as courier missions. The whole game is pretty rage inspiring, and the only reason I haven't destroyed the disc in anger is because I'm borrowing it from someone.

If you thought the first game was okay, then good for you. Go play this one. I don't see what people could like about this piece of shit series, but whatever.

Edit: Forgot to mention that you also have to pretty much use your own money to rebuild a villa, revive its tourism, and manage its funds. Yes, that's right. You're playing fucking Villa Tycoon.

So yeah. If you read my last post, or follow me on Twitter, you know I purchased DJ Hero. I truly did scoff hard at this game when I heard about it.

I said hurtful things like, "I liked it better when it was called Beatmania!" and, "First they alienated my love of rock music, and now techno?! Thanks a lot..."

Then I read the tracklisting. I got tempted to play Daft Punk songs, as well as some of the intersting sounding mash-ups on the game. So yeah, I'm a hypocrite, and yeah you can lol at me all you want, intarwebz. But this game is good, and waaaaaay easier than fucking Guitar Hero. I love rhythm games, but when a game makes it harder to play than the actual instrument itself that's when things stop being fun for me. That's exactly what Guitar Hero did for me, and exactly what DJ Hero DIDN'T do (not that I've ever DJed, but I can imagine that creating your own mixes on a live turntable is much harder than this game makes it).

The game boasts in impressive list of respectable DJs who have mixed songs for your pleasure. You have DJ Shadow, DJ Z Trip, Daft Punk, and DJ AM (RIP). A lot of the songs get reused, but they use different parts of the songs in each mix, kind of making it a moot point. Oh yeah, GRAND MASTER FLASH AND DJ JAZZY JEFF MIX IN THIS GAME TOO SO EAT A DICK. If you have a problem with the music in this game, then this is obviously not the game for you and you have very poor taste in music. In particular, 2Pacs "All Eyez On Me" and Aranbee Pop Symphony's "Bittersweet Symphony" is the catchiest fucking mash-up on the game, in my opinion.

The gameplay could be a little more intuitive, and at times tries to force you to think out of both sides of your brain in ways that are pretty much impossible for me. But it's not bad, and the game incorporates features that let you change the difficulty in the middle of a setlist. This eliminates the frustration of having to start a set all over just to play a damn game.

The crossfade switch is a little tricky; at times being very sensitive, and others not being sensitive enough. The layout of the crossfade on the screen in tandem with scratches and taps makes it pretty much impossible for me to follow what I'm doing when the intensity of the game is at its peak. I can only imagine that this is the same for a lot of people, unless you're the asian rhythm game champ. Be mad at that if you want, but we all know asians own rhythm games forever. But I hope that in the future they let people who AREN'T DJs play this game in beta, and decide to make the layout of the game a little more friendly to those of us who only WISH that we were DJs.

I also wish that there were more original pieces in the game, instead of just mash-ups. Overall I highly recommend this game.

Seldom does a game come along that I have absolutely nothing bad to say about. The last time I was truly happy with a game would be the days when SEGA was the 16 bit master of my life. Needless to say, that was some time ago. This was also the first time in a long time that I jumped into a game knowing next to nothing about it, making my judgement solely on the graphics, and was not disappointed. AT ALL.

You pop this game in, and you're greeted with beautiful opening artwork. This is just a small taste of things to come. Since I usually break reviews down into good and bad and overall, this review is going to seem less organized by comparison, as I have nothing bad to say about this game. But let's start with...

GRAPHICS

If you're one of those people who complains about the Wii's limited graphic capabilities, I'll be the first to throw this game in your face. The environments, the character designs, and the cut scenes were all done flawlessly. The style of the game seems to be a hybrid of Japanese scroll art and anime. It's beautiful, and the music only compliments the historic Japan feel. This is what Samurai Shodown would have been if they didn't make a fighter, but a beat 'em up. I feel the need to preface my next statement by saying that this is not meant to be a sarcastic statement. Muramasa is not just a videogame; it is a fucking experience. I started playing it around 6 or seven at night, and by the time I finished Kisuke's story it was almost nine in the morning. I was so immersed in this game I had lost all sense of what time even was. What's more is that I couldn't stand putting the game down until I had achieved total victory. You feel like you're watching a really good anime instead of actually playing a videogame.

Some of the backgrounds are reused, but that's forgiveable when you consider the amount of detail that went into creating each one. Also consider this: it's ancient Japan so a lot of woods and countrysides would probably look kind of similar anyway, right? Also, if you enjoy action games in the same vein as Muramasa, you're not complaining about this since reusing backgrounds and enemy character sprites has been a cost-effective way of creating since the 80's.

GAMEPLAY

At the start up screen you're given the opportunity to choose your destiny. There are three control methods: Wii controls (LOL), Wii Classic Controller, and the Gamecube controller (my personal choice). You start with two difficulties from which to choose. However, upon beating the game once, you unlock an insane difficulty where one hit will kill you instantly.

Once you pick your poison you have two separate stories from which to choose: Kisuke (young, badass ninja type) and Momohime (young princess possessed by a malicious spirit). I played through as Kisuke and hot DAMN. After a brief tutorial to familiarize yourself with the controls you are thrown into the fray.

The tutorial shows you basics (movement, attack button, jumping, etc.), but then shows you what makes this game so cool, I STILL feel like they gave me this game by mistake and gave some cooler dude the lame-o game meant for me. The only times your character is able to walk are during scenes where he/she must deliberately interact with the characters on screen to proceed to the next battle. When he/she isn't doing that, they're running around like a coked out ninja, slicing the hell out of anything in their way. Oh, and one of my favorite game features for any game ever? They can glide through the air. I'll let you in on a little known fact about me: give any character in a game, any character at all, the ability to glide or float down to deliver doom upon the heads of their enemies and I'm pretty much sold on that game (the Legacy of Kain series, Chrono Trigger's Magus, and now Muramasa).

You fight with three blades at your disposal when you're in BATTLE mode, and can switch freely between them with the press of a button. HOWEVER, The blades have their own health gauges ala Samurai Shodown, called "Souls", and when the souls of your blades have charged sufficiently you can perform a "quick draw" attack by switching to another sword. Simply put, this attack ruins the day of any enemy and mid-air projectile coming your way. If you're a fan of ninja/samurai movies, then you know all about Zatoichi the blind swordsman. In homage to his character, the screen turns black and slash marks cover the screen. The only thing missing from this is Zatoichi's catchphrase when he makes everything go black in the gambling parlors. This attack can be performed at any time, as long as you're not in a hit stun, and even works on bosses.

The battle system, much like the entire game itself, is super fast paced and responsive. Basically, if you loved beat em ups of days long gone this game is for you. How fast you attack is dependant on the type of blade you use. There are two types of blades: the long blade and the short blade. The long blade yields high damage and, when used to its full potential, allows you to sweep large groups of enemies up in your path of destruction for big combos and quick victories. It's slower than the shorter blade and I found it best used in boss battles. The short blade doesn't deal heavy damage, but is good if you like fast attacks, and an easier set up for combos. I found this type of blade best used when large groups of enemies attack at once.

To get into full detail of of the battle system would take forever, so I'll sum it up as fast as I can then move on. You have a low stab attack (used to hit downed opponents to continue your combo), a regular stab attack, an upward slash (can be used as a launcher and to hit opponents jumping toward you), a dash slash attack (can be repeated up to 3 times, and is controlled with directional buttons and attack button. Think Chipp Zanuff's Alpha Blade), and a dropping stab attack from the air. All attacks and combos are performed with the game's single attack button, and the directional input. It's easy to pick up and requires practice to master. Once you get the hang of it, though, your enemies are already dead. You can also parry attacks by hold the attack button, but this requires a small portion of your blade's soul meter. Once depleted, the blade with shatter and must be sheathed to heal itself.

To enhance the already deadly abilities of your character, each new blade has its own special "secret art" attack. You perform the blades special attack by pressing the designated button. To limit the use of these mostly deadly attacks, the art requires a portion of your blade's soul. Some arts can be performed in mid-air and the ground, while some can only be performed on the ground. Some add to your combo count while some don't. Either way it's all good.

MENU/MAP INTERFACE

The menu screens are easy to navigate, and the Item Shortcut feature is used to make healing yourself or your blade during battle a snap. The save screen has an insanely fast load time, almost as if the game is as excited about being played as you are to play it.

The map also keeps you moving through the game at a break-neck speed with its super helpful setup. You have two options for map display: keeping the map limited to a view of the current grid you're in or super-imposing the entire map over the game screen. If you think that sounds stupid you are surprisingly wrong. The map's design is in keeping with the wall scroll/anime design theme of the game, and I think it actually COMPLIMENTS the graphics as a whole. The map is just a series of stylish black rectangles and squares indicating the "rooms" of each province. It's relatively transparent, except where items and other helpful things (e.g. shops or shrines) are indicated. As if this all wasn't enough, the map even indicates the direction in which you need to head in order to complete your missions. This keeps you from getting lost and also just plain looks cool. You also have the option of not using a map at all, but I recommend using it since there's no reason not to.

OVERALL

I skipped a lot of other stuff that I enjoyed about the game, but only because if I went into everything I liked about this game no one would read this entry completely. It would simply be too long. It's much easier to review a game with flaws, because then you know what is important enough to mention. This was tougher than writing about any game I've written about so far. I will say this: there is something here for anyone who is a fan of ninja/samurai movies (some of the in-game challenges have titles that reference classic movies) or beat em ups.

The game is fast-paced, blends seamlessly from one chapter to the next, has a good enough story for each character to keep you interested, and is just an extremely user-friendly game overall. Anyone from the youngest to the oldest gamer can play and enjoy this game without feeling it's too hard or not challenging enough. As I've said before, this has done what no other game has done in the past few years: delivered a 100% enjoyable experience without making the gamer make comprimises over the game's flaws. If you own a Wii and do not buy this game then you need to just trade the damn thing in already.

As you all know, I just recently joined the Dreamcast party. So I got some recommendations from friends as far as games to get. I've picked up a few games on my own, and for the most part the Dreamcast is a solid enough system. The biggest problem I've had with the actual console is the controller design (who the fuck OKed putting the cable on the BOTTOM of the controller?!), but it's manageable.

It seems like the largest chink in the Dreamcast's armor was not in the console itself, but the designers of the games. The best example I can provide is the first Marvel vs Capcom. The controller has a D-Pad and an analog. The D-Pad is a monster, and can wear on the thumb after extended use. The smart thing to do would have been to let the player have the option of using the analog, instead of only being able to use the D-Pad exclusively. Sure, you can buy and arcade stick (I got one as an anniversary gift), but you shouldn't have to. It's small things like this that can ruin a console's shelf life. Unless you have giant monster hands, this makes the game extremely difficult to play with precision.

While the Dreamcast is obviously a well-rounded system, and some of the games I have played so far have displayed tight, responsive controls, some games are just terrible.

Which leads my to the main point of this post, and something I'm sure everyone who owns a Dreamcast will be angry over my opinion on: Jet Grind Radio.

( Game review of doom... )

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/748-Duke-Nukem-Forever

After reading other reviews of this game, I can honestly say that I agree with Yahtzee's opinion. It's just an outdated game created by developers who have no clue what makes a good game these days, and are relying on the fact that "C'MON GUYS IT'S DUKE YO! REMEMBER DUKE?! REMEMBER THE TITTIES?!"

But that's just my opinion.

As you all know, I love zombies. Specifically, I love games about zombies. So when HotD: Overkill came out, I had to pick it up. For those of you interested in the series, but haven't played the game yet, here's a spoiler free rundown.

From the second you turn on the Wii you can safely assume that this is going to be NOTHING like the four games that came before it. It seems like the developers wanted to rip off of Quentin Tarintino's GRINDHOUSE (specifically Planet Terror) success, because what you have is some chick making a horrible attempt at trying to be sexy while she dances around (to grimy guitars squealing out some kind of tune reminiscent of "Bad to the Bone") in a leather top and hot pants. She ends her little dance by pulling a Wii remote from a holster at her hip, and pointing it at you. I'm guessing that's her shooting at you like a zombie or some crap.

Now here's where I'm going to break it down. The game has a lot of things that drive it apart from the other games in the series, and I'll cover each part one at a time.

I remember playing a Sega game called Light Crusader (hell let's face it. I HAD this game up until 2 years ago, when my basement flooded and ruined all of my Sega/Super Nintendo games). Personally I thought it was a FANTASTIC game for its time. It did a lot of awesome things that you didn't get from your run-of-the-mill medieval-type games back then. I loved this game, and thought the replay value of it was phenomenally high.

That's why I was disappointed when I read this review of the game. I can understand where the writer comes from, seeing as how other titles released by this company were much better. However, if this is the worst game they ever released then I'd love to see their best, because their worst game trumps some of the best games released in the same genre at the same time (I'm looking at you, old D&D games for Sega/SNES).

Have any of you delightful people out there ever played this game? If so, what did you think?

So I finally got around to finishing the game about a week ago. I already talked about some of the positives and negatives, so let's just keep going along in that vein, shall we?

GOOD

As a kind of "thank you" for buying the Wii verson, you get six unlockable alternate suits. I only unlocked five, because I didn't feel like web sling through New York looking for the crap ton of spider emblems it took to unlock the sixth. Here are the five costumes I unlocked: Ben Reilly Spiderman Suit, Iron Suit Spiderman, Cosmic Spiderman, futuristic Spiderman, Spider Carnage.

You can use experience points to purchase new moves to throw into your red suit or symbiote combos. Speaking of which, SYMBIOTE SPIDERMAN IS MOTHERFUCKING GOD IN THIS GAME. Once you purchase a few specific moves to chain into a combo, you can beat the hell out of any boss and any number of symbiotes. Seriously. Symbiote Spidey will mess you the fuck up.

Well the "good" list drops off pretty damn fast this time around. On to...

BAD

The camera is sometimes at awkward angles or spins around in very disorienting way (especially when wall crawling, something you'll be doing a lot since...ya know...it's effin' SPIDERMAN!). This makes some of the time-sensitive missions you'll be doing pretty frustrating, and you'll end up repeating them. A lot.

There are some missions that shouldn't even be missions. Perfect example is the mission where you have to "follow the hover craft". Know what this entails? Go on. Guess. Done guessing? You stand on a hover craft for a full minute and wait for the cut scene. That's it.

The web slinging is pretty cool. Except for when it just doesn't want to work. And since this is Spiderman: Web of Shadows we're talking about and NOT Elvis Presley's Rockin' Fried Chicken and Qualude Love Shack Adventure, you'll be performing quite a few missions where you need to rely heavily on web sling and zipping through the city because (you guessed it) time is a factor. Like when you're chasing Electro through the city. Yeah. This was a good idea. You have a geeked out, lightning fast super villain zipping through the city, and you have to keep up with him using this web slinging system. Super good.

Boss fights are ridiculously easy. You'll pretty much be repeating the web zip attacks over and over until whatever boss you're fighting dies (if you're dumb enough to play through this game as red suit Spidey. Symbiote Spidey's tactic is a lot more fool proof. Simply shoulder slam into the boss after gripping them with your symbiote tentacle). The boss fights are all easy, all right. Except for the Vulture. What could be another easy boss fight turns into another frustrating lesson in the sometimes unresponsive web slinging system. You'll find yourself repeating the air fight stage over and over, I'm sure.

Speaking of repeating things, after beating the bosses you have interactive cut scenes in which you have to wave the Wii remote and/or nunchuk in a certain direction a couple of times to make it all the way through the cut scene. It's kind of fun, I guess. But again the somewhat unresponsive controls prevent anyone from really enjoying, or making it through a cut scene on the first go. Actually, that's all a lie. It could be kind of fun, but it isn't because of the unresponsive controls. The part about not making it through a cut scene on the first go is true. It's all true that you might not make it through on the fifth try. It's also true that it's so frustrating that even people watching you play will get pissed off and start swearing with you.

And last, but most certainly not least, we come to the last negative: the story (more accurately the lack of story). What I hoped would be a rockin' throwback to the days of Maximum Carnage or Separation Anxiety left me asking "Huh?!?" Here is a breakodown of the story. Don't worry. It's spoiler free.

Spiderman gets his suit back after a fight with Venom, New York goes apeshit with gangs, New York goes apeshit with symbiotes and this is somehow connected with the fight between Venom and Spidey, SHIELD gets involved, other characters from the Marvel Universe get involved, Spidey fights symbiotes, the end.

No, I was not over simplifying the plot to avoid spoilers. There is no exposition to tell you why or how the symbiote got so out of control. There is no good ending to make it worth the couple of hours of swearing and anger. I could honestly forgive the laziness of the developers when they re-used the higher quality renderings of the game from PS3 (which come out really crappy when put on a Wii, in case anyone was wondering). What I can't forgive is the lazy writing.


OVERALL

This game is like Maximum Carnage if you gave it Polio. If you're gonna pick it up, get it for the PS3. What I've read of the XBox and PS2 versions, they're no better than the Wii version. The PS3 version has gotten rave reviews. If you really wanna play it for the Wii, I suggest renting it.

For a few weeks Spiderman: Web of Shadows has been sitting on the shelves of Gamestops everywhere, taunting me with the promise of chaotic symbiote smashing fun.

( The struggle within... )

Well I brought it home, and so far it's bittersweet. I'll give it praise before I tear it down.

GOOD:

The opening to the game was hilarious: You hear Moonlight Sonata play as Spiderman (head hung like a depressed child) walks along the rooftops of good ole NY as SWAT-type guys shoot at different types of symbiotes, and other general chaos ensues around him. Then he free falls from the building, flashback voices in his head alluding to the symbiote ruining his life (agains), and...well the Spidey voice acting starts.

The game plays as a flashback, leading up to the opening scene.

I've only played an hour or so into the game, doing random grind quests and having fun with the interactive environment, and I can say that it's overall pretty fun. What you have is your standard beat em up with Spiderman ala Maximum Carnage but with Spiderman 2's super cool "swing through the city omgwtfthisissocool" engine thrown into the mixy mix.

There isn't anything Spidey can't climb on, which is pretty cool (there's even a point in the game where you climb the walls and fight symbiotes! If Doppleganger had showed up for that part, I woulda shit myself! Too much nostalgia would have done me in, folks).

You can switch back and forth, at will, to play as either classic suit Spidey or symbiote Spidey; this is also a factor in what ending to the game you get, and each suit has its own combo set. The combat system in this game is, in traditional beat em up style, mostly a button masher. However there's a "web zip" move that let's you easily dispatch of weaker enemies that are in larger groups, as well as a few special moves. The combat is easily the most fun I've had being Spiderman in over a decade.

There are also unlockable costumes (at least six) that you can get after meeting certain conditions.

I can't really comment on any Marvel character cameo other than Luke Cage, but I'm saving that for the BAD section. Speaking of...

BAD:

The voice acting, so far, has been okay. There is one LARGE exception: Spidey. When he's giving a calm narrative, it isn't so bad. But his in-game voice, and his "screaming angry Spidey voice" remind me of this one kid in my Japanese class that people used to hate and kick the crap out of.

Since we're on the subject of voice acting, it all feels forced and the writing for the section I'm playing through (you're helping Luke Cage clean up gang activity in Harlem) reminds me of a very special episode of ::insert early 90's TV sitcom that featured primarily white people::, when they had to deal with "real issues". I'm hoping that will clear up later. The dialogue between Spidey and Luke cage was so painful that I had to turn it off because I could only take so much in one sitting. Luke just kind of seems like a token black guy at this point.

The Spider Sense feature is fucking awesome, and it definitely helps compensate (sometimes) for the crappy radar screen.

The game is also not without its glitches, unfortunately. The first fight between Spidey and Venom is pretty good. You're beating his ass, he goes after MJ, you do a jump attack and...you get stuck, floating in the air...unable to save poor MJ from Venom. The game froze on me once, too (this might have just been a fluke since I've heard No More Heroes has frozen on people a few times, even though it never froze for me. Maybe it was a Wii glitch and not a game glitch. Who knows? No one, that's who). Hopefully the glitches are over with, and I can continue with the shenanigans of this game.

OVERALL:

If you're like me, you're a gamer who's usually hesitant to step outside of his/her gaming comfort zone unless you know the game will be a smash fucking hit. I stepped outside of my comfort zone for this one (like I did with GODHAND and No More Heroes), and once again I was not disappointed (for the most part). So far I've enjoyed the game, and tried my hardest to make peace with the writers and voice actors of this game because hey, it's Spidey. If anyone's interested I'll post a more detailed opinion on this game once I've finished playing it through (if it has any replay value, I'll play through again and again for the multiple endings).

Give to your local Marine Corps Toys for Tots. Trained killers know where you live and shop. =D

An edit for those of you who demand high-quality posts from me: http://www.questionsleep.com/mindspill/?p=348

Jhonen Vasquez finds Dead Space lacking. It could be. I haven't played the game, but the description he gave sounds unbias and well-balanced. Thoughts?

So the original Guilty Gear is about as broken and awesome as Marvel vs Capcom 2. I can only imagine what mayhem would transpire if they kept some of the original fighting system in GGX, GGXX, or GGXX Accent Core (Although I now see where they took Order Sol's "charge" moves from. Amazing!). For those of you not fighting game savvy (or are but have never bothered with the Guilty Gear series because you've never heard of it or just didn't think it was too cool) I'll break the game mechanics down for you:

-The game's engine has some similarities with SNK titles such as Garou: Mark of the Wolves and Marvel vs Capcom 2. By this I mean when your first health bar is exhausted you can abuse your desperation moves repeatedly, and pretty much every move combos into every move.  There is also your launcher (or "Dust" as referred to in the GG series) that opens up your air combo possibilities.

-Characters have certain moves that can be charged by doing the motion sequence and pressing your R1 button instead of the strike button (e.g. Chipp's B Blade is dragon punch motion sequence and slash. You can charge it by doing the motion for a dragon punch and hitting R1 instead of slash). You can charge the move up to a "level 3 attack, and execute by either hitting the strike button, or by stopping the charge before you get hit and doing the move later like you normally would. The power you charge stays with you the whole round.

-The Destroy moves are ridiculous! Doing a destroy move successfully ends the entire match! Not just the round! You can also counter destroy moves and do your own instead! It's fucking crazy... I wish they had kept that feature in all the GG games. It would have made for way more intense gameplay.



Overall appearance of the game is kind of KoF 95-ish, but the gameplay is just as flawlessly smooth as the rest of the GG series. I also enjoy seeing the early character designs, even if Axl looks like he had serious 'roid rage from working out with Potemkin. Dr. Baldhead (later known in the game's series as Faust) also has the most unusual outfit I've ever seen. Thank goodness they corrected it later. It's also funny to see how much of the GG storyline from this game was retconned in later installments and other GG products. I totally recommend to anyone (with an extra 30 bucks in their pocket) going to amazon.com and ordering a copy for yourself.

SO I did unlock and run through Bitter in No More Heroes. I gotta say, this game is amazing. The social commentary, the satire, the violence, the intuitive gameplay, the soundtrack, and the tragic (though extremely convoluted) storyline. If you're a Wii owner and don't have this game, then there is something seriously wrong with you.

Now I wait patiently for more news on Tatsunoko vs Capcom getting an American Wii port...

I decided to buy No More Heroes. Excellent purchase. EXCELLENT. Solid title, nothing bad about it that makes the game unplayable (from what I've seen. I haven't unlocked the hardest difficulty yet). So, in honor of the game's creator (who also made a game that appears on this list), I decided to make a top 10 games list. "What kind?" you ask. It's a top 10 list of fighting/action games/game series that are frustratingly difficult for no god damn reason. Here we GO!

( NO ESCAPE! FIGHT! )
As always, my top ten may vary from your top ten. I also didn't include games that were ridiculously hard because they were shitty. But that's the beauty of free speech. But if you think I missed anything, I'd be glad to hear your opinion anyway.